My name is Kelli, I am a Suicide Survivor...no, I did not attempt suicide and lived to write about it, I am surviving the loss of a loved one who committed suicide...or as they say in many books, "completed suicide". I am not a doctor or a therapist - I am a wife and a mother of three, the 2nd of four daughters, a friend, a neighbor and a daughter.
I lost my father to suicide on January 6, 2008. A day I will never forget...I yearn for my father everyday, and even after nearly 8 months it hasn't gotten any easier to deal with. It's right there all the time, my stomach turns with each thought of my father.
My father retired from 45 years at Dupont. Less then a year later, he began dealing with bouts of depression. We got him on med's. and to doctors and therapists. Shortly after the first med's, he was great, the dad we always wanted, happy, fun and just great to be around...the med's stopped working 6 or so months later and I never got him back. Never in my wildest dreams would we have thought our dad would have taken his own life...but he did, and if my dad could do it and did do it, anyone can do it! My dad fought depression with every ounce of his being, no one wanted to get better more then him. We all had asked him in the last couple years if he would ever hurt himself and he would always answer, "no, I wouldn't do that to my daughters and grand children!" - But he did, shocking friends, family and most of all his four daughters.
I want to be here for you so that we can get through this difficult time together and not alone. You are not alone...please know that! I never felt so alone as I did after that day, and it doesn't have to be that way! I am here for you and I hope that you join me and can be there for others to. Together, we can make it through.
Me and My Dad on
My Wedding Day
October 6, 2000
"One learns to live with the loss, the tragedy, the waste, and the gaping hole in the fabric of one's life. There is no closure, nor would I want one. I want to remember him all my life, vividly: his laughter, the smell of his sneakers under his bed, his moments of joy, his humility, and his integrity." - Foundation for Suicide Prevention
FROM SURVIVING TO THRIVING
"If you mention my loved one's name I may cry. But if you don't mention it, you will break my heart."
"our lives begin to end the day we are silent about things that matter."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Grief is not an enemy to be avoided, it is a healing path to be walked.
Every 10 minutes someone in the U.S. dies by suicide, Every 19 minutes, someone is left to make sense of it.
"I'M FREE"
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free. I'm following the path God had laid you see. I took His hand when I heard Him call, I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day. To laugh, to love, to work or play. Tasks left undone must stay that way. I found that peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void, then fill it with remembered joys. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss. Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow. I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life's been full, I savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all too brief. Don't lengthen it now with grief.
Life up your hearts and peace to thee. God wanted me now; He set me free.
"WHISPERS FROM HEAVEN"
When I left this world without you
I know it made you blue.
Your tears fell so freely,
I watched; I know this is true.
While you were sleeping.
Days after I passed away--
While all was silent within me,
I saw you kneel and pray.
From this wonderful place called heaven
Where all my pain is gone.
I send a gentle breeze to whisper,
-- My loved ones, please go on.
The peace that I have found here
Goes far beyond compare
No rain, no clouds, no suffering--
Just LOVE from everywhere.
You need not be troubled
Just stay close to God in prayer
Someday we'll be reunited
My love, HIS love surrounds you always,
EVERYWHERE!
by Al Littleton & Brenda Smith
Gone yet not forgotten,
Although we are apart,
Your spirit lives within us,
Forever in out Hearts.
Another day for you to wonder
Another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go
before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my
heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go
without words said
My frame of mind seemed normal
I thought I 'd found a way
It wasn't my intention not to
see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer
Or to cause you so much pain
it wasn't my intention to never
See you again
Despair and confusion left
My aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to
suddenly close life's door
if only I could give you
Reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave and not stay
I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you you
Forever asking "why?"
As the burdens of life's worries quickly ebb from my heart
It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart
~anonymous author
Song - "EVERYDAY"
by Phil Collins
'Love can make you do things you never dreamed possible...'
I got lost, couldn't find my way
and I guess there's nothing more to say
love can make you blind, make you act so strange
but I'm here and here I will stay
So everyday I cry
yes everyday I fall
do you ever wonder why, why I love everything about you
But everyday I say I'll try to make my heart be still
'til then every way there is to cry, ourselves to sleep we will
It picked me up, knocked me off my feet
I've got no way to explain
still I love you, love you, love you but this fire inside
will never see the light of day
So everyday goes by
and everyday I fall
it makes me wonder why,
my life's worth nothing without you
But everyday I say I'll try
to make my heart be still
'cos every way there is to cry,
ourselves to sleep, we will
You'll never know, no, no, no ,no ,no
you'll never know just how close we were
you'll never know, no, no, no ,no ,no
you'll never know
no you'll never see
The book closes and we try to forget
but I know that things won't change
how we feel, how life goes on
and that seems so strange
And so the light fades away
try, try, try as I may
I can't stop thinking about you
it seems my life's worth nothing without you
But everyday I say I'll try
to make my heart be still
'til then every way there is to cry,
ourselves to sleep, we will
Everyday, everyday you know I try so hard
everyday, everyday it gets a little harder
The Holidays are coming...
"I'm with you on this holiday, though God called us apart, My love stays with you all the time because I'm in your heart.:
Merry Christmas From Heaven
"I still hear the songs, I still see the lights, I still feel your love on cold wintery nights. I still share your hopes and all your cares, I'll even remind you to please say your prayers. I just want to tell you, you still make me proud, you stand head and shoulders above the crowd. Keep trying each moment, to stay in his grace, I came here before you to help set your place. You don't have to be prefect all of the time, He forgives you the slip, if you continue to climb. To my family and friends, please be thankful today, I'm still close beside you in a new special way. I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear cause I'm spending my Chrismas with Jesus this year.
"If I go, while you're still here…Know that I still live on…And when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart…."
The facts about suicide are staggering ...
... Over 32,000 people in the U.S. take their own lives every year.
... Suicide is the 4th leading cause of death for those ages 18 to 65 years, and the 2nd leading cause of death for college students.
... More than 60 percent of us will lose someone we know to suicide during the course of our lifetime; more than 20 percent of us will lose a family member.
In Delaware, 92 people died by suicide in 2007, the most recent statistics available. That figure represents 1.3 percent of the 7,245 deaths in the state that year -- more than 2 1¼2 times as many deaths as from homicide. In addition, each year about 478 people in Delaware are hospitalized as a result of a suicide attempt. While teens are considered at the highest risk for suicide, middle-aged men, the elderly and veterans also are at increased risk.
Lifekeeper Promise
Someone we love
Did not keep their life
In pain and anguish
They ended their strife
In this lifetime on Earth
We'll see them no more
Yet we carry them always
In our soul, in our core
Now we're left here
And we must stay
We have Life to live
To the fullest each day
For we are the Lifekeepers
A promise we make
To celebrate their Lives
Our own not to take
We are the Lifekeepers
Truth Bearers, Peace Seekers
We are the Wounded
We are the Healed
We are the Lifekeepers
Our commitment now sealed
written by
Sandy Martin
2008 Delaware Suicide Statistics
90 deaths by Suicide...my dad was one of them.
*****Suicide outnumbers Homicide 3 to 2*****
Saw a billboard today while driving that read:
"If it were cancer, you wouldn't say get over it..."
"A survivor of suicide loss is left behind with an imploded foundation that must be rebuilt brick by brick...some of those bricks may not fit and you have to force them to, some crack while being laid and you have to repair it, and some fall right into place. With time and support, the foundation will eventually be safe and secure to walk on."
~ By Kelli Karlton
A study released last fall from the National Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration found that nearly 8.3 million adults 18 and older -- representing just under 4 percent of the population -- harbored "serious thoughts" of suicide in the past year. Of those, 2.3 million Americans reported making a suicide plan and 1.1 million attempted to kill themselves.
